Blue Balls and Ghosting

It’s cool. K. Kl. Kool. KK.

Ladies, no, it’s not cool. When a guys says “It’s cool”, it’s exactly the same as a girl saying “I’m fine”. Prepare yourself for the next confrontation; a cold-shoulder of remorse as our balls restock the salty skimmed liquids and we set our sights on the closest anthropomorphic framework with a fat pair of lips resembling a lunch meat sandwich. But not me, well, maybe- thigh-brows included? but you’re most likely find me pitching a tent on my own gravestone – appropriately chosen by the unsightly oestrogen mafia I’ve discarded in the past.

I’ll be comfortable regardless, flicking through your sister’s latest Instagram posts while succumbing to my own primal urges by the way of an old sock and a half bottle of lotion. We do what we can. Always keep the sock on standby though, but most importantly, always be sure to throw in the wash when you’re done. Don’t waste time. Swipe and wipe, I say. Otherwise, it dries out. And you don’t want that, believe me. A cum-stained sock has about as much flex as a stale croissant. Ever laid hands on a stale croissant? Handle that shit.

But don’t feel disheartened, ladies, it’s only half your fault. The conversations are really going to need a drastic improvement though, for your own sake, believe me. Double Tick, Sky Blue in shade – we know you’ve read the message. So we stop typing. And we get labelled as “Trash”. I’m sorry – trash who? Who’s ghosting? Girls call it ghosting. I call it refusing to have a single-sided conversation met by one-word replies and a clusterfuck of emojis.

An insight into the male thought process. For some of us at least, not all. Use it to your advantage. You’re welcome.


Original Copyright © 2017 by KalifornicationX.


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